Spiraling into the Dark
by Noxid Anamchara
Summary: Dean Winchester lived out of motels, ate food in the car and carried an arsenal of weapons in the trunk. Guns, rock salt, demon spells, fake ID's and holy water. Did we mention guns? Consistent was ghosts, demons, legends and paranormal. And geek-boy, sidekick, little bro Sam. That is until everything spins out of control with no one to catch him. Except, maybe there is.
1. Journal ?

**Journal Entry # ?  
**

_April 24, 2010_

I'm going to die. I wish I could say it was the end but I could never be so lucky. I'm just dying. Painfully. Slowly.

_Alone._

My heart hurts. It's a wonder to me that it _can_ hurt. I didn't think it was still beating. I had thought that my heart had died long ago, with her…

But it's still there because I can feel the pain. I desperately wish that _he_ were here. It's a need so profound I'm almost ashamed of myself. I've never needed another being so much before and to think that all it took was for him to look into my eyes and the world seemed to melt away. One simple look and I was human again. I wanted the life that I had denied myself since my world had come crashing down around me. But who was I kidding? Being a hunter meant sacrifices and boy did we pay. I haven't met a hunter yet who hasn't paid the price of this life. We lose everyone we know and care about. Some of us are lucky to lose only a few.

Did we choose it?

I suppose that some of us have. Maybe because someone we love died. Maybe it's a family thing. Maybe we stumble upon the supernatural and decide it's the life we were meant to live. Either way I feel that at some point during this period of our lives we come to regret this choice. We regret giving up everything that was simple and easy. We regret giving up normalcy.

It's the choice of love that I regret. Being born into a family that hunts, my choice was taken from me and I am simply meant to follow in those footsteps. I could leave this life behind and attempt to find a new one but how does one do that? The only life I know is this. Spirits, vampires, demons, shapeshifters and legends. We like to call it the supernatural. I like to think of it as the truth that no one sees. The world behind the world. The two-way mirror. And most everybody is on the other side of that mirror only seeing their own reflection. They cannot see the truth.

Where is love in this two-way mirror? Who can I share this life with? If I come to love someone it's only one more weakness to add on the list, another stab to my heart, gasoline for the fire. Do I choose to love and to survive with this love? Can I survive the pain if the unthinkable happens?

I'm not sure I'll ever know. We are at the end now yet I will not survive for the End. The flame of my soul will be doused, extinguished. The light forever gone. There is no relighting this candle, the one called life. My life had meant something once. And now…

Now I have no idea if it will, ever again.

_Please. Please find me before the end._

**End Journal**


	2. Case of the Ex

**EM**: I love Supernatural. I'm not sure how I feel about seasons 6-8 (1 and 2 are the best, hands down), but I can't complain that they're still here. And I am the OC Queen, thus this Beauty here. Take it or leave it.

**Disclaimer**: Supernatural belongs to Kripke/CW. The lyrics belong to their owners (Linkin Park, Shadow of the Day) and I know nothing of Grouse Creek or Utah, the state was just picked at random as well as the very unpopulated city (and yes, it is unincorporated). I make no claims to any such things involving it. This is all fictional.

**Rated**: M (for violence, language and possible other things)

**Season of this Chapter: **1, between episodes 18 and 19

**Summary: **Everything in his life was anything but normal. He lived out of motels, ate food in the car and had barely any consistencies in his life. And let's not forget the arsenal of guns, tasers, rock salt, holy water, demon spells and fake ID's in the trunk. Were guns mentioned? What was consistent in Dean Winchester's life were the ghosts, demons, legends and the paranormal. And let's not forget his trusty geek-boy sidekick, little brother Sam. That is, until everything in his life starts in a downward spiral with no one to catch him. Except, maybe there is. Maybe he just doesn't realize it.

* * *

Case of the Ex

"_I close both locks below the window  
I close both blinds and turn away_

_Sometimes solutions aren't so simple  
Sometimes good bye's the only way"_

**Grouse Creek, Utah**

"Tell me again why we came to this dirt heap?" The Winchester brothers were sitting in the Impala outside a run down looking cafe, Sam looking at a local paper from Salt Lake City. Dean waited for his brother to respond but Sam was engrossed in the article he was reading.

"Sam!" Sam jerked his head up and stared at Dean, eyes wide in questioning.

"What?"

"Dude. Did you not hear me?" Sam sighed impatiently.

"Yeah Dean I heard ya. Patience is a virtue man." Dean looked at him, one eyebrow raised.

"Dude." Sam opened his mouth and then effectively closed it again. Dean was a pain sometimes.

"The victim, a 32 year old male, was suddenly lifted two inches off the ground and died, dropping to the ground like a rag doll. The people who were present claimed his '_life was sucked from him, literally_.' I figure the floating and sucking were in our department." Dean was nodding his head as he took in what Sam told him.

"Anything else?" Sam continued to scan the paper. The article he was looking at was not big and it was at the bottom of the page in the corner, taking up minimal space, which was probably the point. Grouse Creek wasn't even incorporated so they were lucky they even had a section in the paper. Although the way the "death" had occurred was probably the reason it was even mentioned.

"Well someone does mention a new face in town, who happened to be walking right by him when it happened." Sam looked up, calculating. The new face was a young girl and might _possibly_ have something to do with it. Of course this could just be the resident's over-exaggerating.

"What do they say about this 'new face'?" Dean's hand was moving back and forth to some tune in his head. Sam watched the action before answering, looking up only to discover a few towns' people walking by, and looking in at them both with suspicious faces.

"She's…they say she was a 'young woman, with her head held high.' Do people really say that about others?" He sighed, continuing. "I guess she was wearing a black leather jacket, a green t-shirt and dirt covered black boots. That doesn't say much either." Sam frowned at the minimal information they were receiving. How many girls could look like that? And it didn't look as if they were going to have any luck talking to the people either. They didn't look like they would be very cooperative with outsiders. He looked back at the article and scanned the rest of it. Dean looked over at his brother, his left hand hanging out the window. It was warm outside.

"There was something else." He was following the lines with his finger and Dean drummed his fingers impatiently.

"The resident also comments that her eyes…her eyes held fear and recognition in them." Sam groaned. "Seriously. I'm starting to think it's made up for the publicity. They probably just made up the whole floating thing as well. More likely a heart attack…" Sam's eyes lingered on a sentence.

"Huh." Dean's eyebrows rose up. And he waited.

"Spit it out Sammy." Dean hated waiting and he hated when Sam didn't just say whatever the hell it was. It was like he dragged it out on purpose.

"Well the last thing the resident comments on was that she could have sworn she had seen the girl carrying a gun…half of a shotgun hidden beneath her jacket." Dean and Sam connected eyes. "She didn't feel any threat though. The woman couldn't make sense of half of a shotgun so she just passed it off as shock from poor Harry's death." Sam looked up at Dean with that knowing look in his eyes.

"Half a shotgun…a sawed off maybe?" Sam's eyebrows rose and his head bobbed yes.

"You telling me we could have a hunter involved in this? A _female_ hunter?" Dean's eyebrows rose approvingly and Sam dragged his hand over his face in exasperation.

"I don't know Dean. If the woman really did see a sawed off, the girl could have just been…carrying a gun…" Dean was shaking his head _no_ emphatically.

"Seriously dude. Chicks don't carry around guns like lipstick. Especially not sawed off, double barrel shotguns. That's hunter gear."

Suddenly Sam didn't like this. If there was a hunter involved she should have taken care of it already. And because there was a hunter here it meant that this was in their line of work. But what was it? Sam had scoured any records he could find, not that the _unincorporated_ city had much. Couldn't they ever get any easy jobs? Harold Greener was an ordinary man, had a girlfriend of three years and was currently employed at some business in Salt Lake. The man didn't have any abnormal deaths in his family, records of violence, and he didn't live anywhere that was haunted. He was _normal_. So what had caused him to die like that?

"Well, looks like we're gonna have to make it friendly with the folks…not that they look _inviting_. Geez, what is it with small towns? Do they have to be so exclusive?" Dean was looking around the very small town while he fingered his Colt.

"They can probably sense your hostility Dean. Put the gun away. Do you have to carry it around in the open?" Dean looked at Sam like he had sprouted two heads.

"Look. You never know what's gonna happen. Always be prepared Sammy boy." He slapped Sam on the shoulder, wearing a grin and got out of the car, the gun being expertly placed in his back jeans. Sam just shook his head and got out of the car as well.

"So we find this chick, ask her why she's taking so long in killing the damn thing and we get out of this place." Sam watched as Dean sauntered away like it was going to be easy.

"Yeah. But we gotta find her first. And the article finishes off that the girl hasn't been seen since. We're lucky we were around. This just happened yesterday. If she were smart she'd be gone within a day." Dean looked back and shrugged his shoulders.

"Then we better hurry before she gets the hell out of dodge." Sam jogged to catch up with Dean.

**/Outside of town…/**

Another one. He had killed another. That would be his sixth victim. She had thought she was being careful. Avoiding the townspeople until she had gotten her gas and some food in her system. But no, _Harry_ just had to look at her longer than he should have been. Then **bam**. Bye bye Harry. And it was so quick. She had been about to pull out her gun but she didn't even realize what was going on until she heard the choking gasp of death. By then her gun was useless and would only cause her trouble. She took one look at the man, eyes wide with fear like he had seen a ghost and she took off. No use sticking around when things would only get ugly from there.

"Your going to be the death of me, aren't you?" She was leaning up against her Riviera, shotgun in hand looking out at the hard expanse of land, as the sun fell deeper on the horizon. Utah felt so _empty_ to her. Not that she could have it any other way. As with the sixth case of Harry, she was starting to think that being around people at all was going to be a problem. But she had to go back into town, one last time. She hadn't been able to get gas and she seriously needed that. There was no way she'd make it to the next town. She would have to be quick, pay at the pump and get the hell out of there.

She bent over to double check the silver short knife in her boot, the dagger on her hip inside her jeans. She then reached back over her shoulder into her jacket and pulled out her revolver, her father's favorite; the Smith and Wesson, for its western look. She smiled at a brief memory of his smiling face while he held the gun, pointing out the mechanisms to an eight-year-old version of herself. It still scared her sometimes to think that she had been handling guns since she was six. She pushed the barrel down and checked the cylinder, making sure she was full.

She reached into the open car and grabbed a full speedloader and attached it to her belt. She locked the gun, and placed it back in its holder, strapped to her back. The gun was weak but her father loved that gun. She didn't know why but she wasn't about to dump it just because it couldn't handle heavy pressure. She would deal. Keeping something of her father's was more important than anything. The half shotgun she placed back along her side and got into the car, turning the key in the ignition.

She waited, listening to her baby purr. She reached across the seat to check her flasks, and picked up the one that was engraved with a cross on the front. She twisted the cap off and took a swallow, feeling the hot burn race down her throat. The other one, bearing the symbol of a sun with angel wings inside, she shook and took a mental note of the low amount of holy water she had. She picked up the Taurus and placed that on her other ankle. The flasks both went into pockets inside her jacket. She assessed herself, fingering the iron monstrosity around her neck and briefly thought carrying around that many weapons on her body might be mental, but she would much rather be prepared then not. Who knew what she could run into? She dragged in her left foot and closed the door. Taking one last wistful glance at the setting sun she turned around and drove back for town.

**/In town…/**

"Well this sucks." Another closed door on their faces and both brothers turned around going down the steps. The whole town was just full of stories but no one could quite place the girl. She hadn't been seen since the incident and it was starting to get dark, quick.

"It's getting late. Is there a motel around here? I don't remember seeing one…" Sam stopped talking and looked where Dean was looking. Dean let out a low whistle.

"Well isn't that pretty." Sam assumed he was talking about the car parked at the gas station. It was black and hung low to the ground, with only two doors. Sam had the faint reminder of a boat.

"It's a car Dean. We're looking for a girl, remember?" Dean walked across the street without looking to see if cars were coming. Not, thought Sam, that there would be much traffic in this place.

"Yeah Sam, I know that. But tell me. How many people in this town would have a car like this?" Sam looked up. Not many after he thought about it. He examined it a little better and it looked like it was kept in good condition, although there was dirt along the bottom and coated on the rims. Whoever drove this, drove it everywhere. Could this really be the hunter's car? Dean's head was ducked in the open window.

"Dean, what are you doing?" Sam looked in through the opposite window and immediately saw what Dean was looking at. There was gasoline, and a bag of rock salt on the floor of the small back seat. Dean looked up at Sam and grunted. It was definitely a hunter's car.

"Can I help you boys?" Both Dean and Sam jerked upward at the sudden voice, resulting in banging their heads on the ceiling. They both groaned and backed out of the car slowly, rubbing the back of their heads. Sam's eyes widened slightly and he opened his mouth about to say something. He decided not to.

Dean finally looked around and a small grin spread across his face. It had to be her. She was wearing a black leather jacket, a green t-shirt that was tighter than he had expected and there were her black boots, coated in a nasty layer of dirt. What the people had forgotten to mention and Dean didn't fail to see was the way her jeans fit snugly in all the right places. Sam noticed that her eyes were rather unusual, darker than he would imagine but it was apparent they were green. He could see why the woman had mentioned them. You couldn't exactly **miss **them.

"Hey there. This yours? Me and my brother were just checking it out." Sam could see Dean openly checking the girl out and groaned inwardly. Checking it out was right. Dean sure didn't miss a chance.

"1971 Buick Riviera Boattail." _That_ was why Sam had been reminded of a boat when he saw it. Dean nodded his head in approval, at the car or the girl Sam wasn't sure.

"But something tells me that's not why you boys were looking at my car." She raised both her eyebrows and crossed her arms across her chest. Sam thought she was acting pretty defensive for a little small talk.

"Well see, here's the thing." Dean walked over to her and before he got within three feet of her she took a step back, a little bit of panic in her eyes. Sam frowned. Dean stopped when she took a step back and looked at her questioningly.

"Look I'm not gonna hurt you. Just want to ask you a few questions." Dean held up his hands in a move that would have been meant for a wounded animal.

"We saw the article in the newspaper and we just were looking for some information on it. Someone commented on you being there and we were hoping you knew something else." Sam rounded the car and stood by Dean. She took another step back. Now she was fingering something around her neck, most likely a necklace and her right hand was hovering over her open jacket. The gesture did not go unnoticed.

That was when the lights at the station began to flicker and then every light on the street went out. Dean and Sam's eyes widened as they started to see something floating around the girl.

"Tell me you see that Sam."

"Yeah. Yeah I do. It's definitely a spirit." Dean had whipped out his Colt and was about to fire off some shots before he realized the girl was still standing underneath it.

"Hey! Get out of the way!" He then noticed that she had a shotgun in her right hand and was pulling something off her neck with her left.

"Shit." She looked up behind her and glared hard, raising the shotgun and firing. Rock salt blasted the spirit and it vanished momentarily. She looked back at Dean and Sam who were staring at her.

"What the hell are you staring at?" She took long strides toward them and they followed her with their gaze. She grabbed their arms and pulled them along with her.

"You've gone and done it now." Dean looked at Sam and Sam looked at Dean. She whipped open her door and bent over reaching into the back. Despite the situation Dean stared at her ass, taking in the view.

Her voice reached out of the car. "Quite staring at my ass." Dean looked down her legs instead and noticed the straps on her ankles that probably held some kind of weapon. She certainly didn't go unarmed. She came back out holding a very ugly necklace.

"Don't give me those looks. You're the ones who started it." She gestured for Sam to bend over. He was way to tall for her to reach. He bent his head toward her and she looped the ugly thing around his neck. His look was one of disgust. Dean laughed out loud.

"Don't start laughing. You get to wear one too." His face dropped and it was Sam's turn to laugh. Dean took a step backwards and she followed. Before he could take another she grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him towards her. Before she could reach up though pale blue hands gripped Dean around the neck and started to choke him. He gasped, surprised and dropped his gun.

"Dean!" But Sam didn't even get a chance to lift his gun. She had brought up her shotgun and reached around Dean and pulled the trigger. He flinched and slapped his hands over his ears, his throat released. She quickly placed the necklace she had taken off her neck around Dean's before the spirit could get another chance to finish what he started.

"Get out of here. I can take care of this." She turned around and threw her gun into the passenger seat.

"Okay. But tell me why these are so ugly?" She looked at them momentarily like they were idiots.

"That's pure iron. That's why it looks so ugly. I didn't make them to look pretty," she said sarcastically. "The spirit goes for the necks. Nothing else. You continue to wear that and he won't grab you. Crude but effective." She watched them for their reactions. They looked at each other and gave the _hell no_ look.

"I am not going to go around and wear this stupid thing." Dean meant to take it off but her hand lashed out onto his chest, holding the necklace down. He grunted from her smack and cocked his head sideways about to say something. Then the lights flickered again and went out again. They all turned to look in different directions, scanning the darkened town. Suddenly Sam and Dean heard choking noises behind them. They both whipped around and saw the girl dangling in the air, hands grasping at the invisible grip around her throat. They both fired around her head and she collapsed to the ground. Dean bent over and gripped her arm pulling her up.

"I have to get out of here." She pulled out of Dean's grip and jumped into her car. The brothers looked at each other.

"You go get the car. I'll stay with her." Dean tossed Sam the keys and slid over the hood and grabbed the door handle, quickly before she could drive off. She glared at him but then sighed and unlocked the door. He whipped it open and jumped in. Before Dean could close it all the way she squealed out of the station. Dean looked out the back and saw Sam reaching the car and the headlights flaring to life.

"Will you give me my gun?" Her right hand was held out next to him. He reached underneath him and handed it to her. She laid the gun on her lap and reached behind her, groping in the pocket behind her seat. Her hands found what she was looking for and pulled out some bullets. She propped her knee against the wheel, double-checked to make sure she was going straight out of town and wouldn't hit anything. She reloaded her gun.

"So I take it that thing has been after you." Dean then realized that the ugly atrocity around his neck was probably _her_ defense against it. Most likely the reason she was still walking around. He looked down and once again reached up to take it off. She grabbed his hand, stopping him. She turned to look at him.

"It won't help me now." Dean didn't like that look in her eyes. Or the way her hand shook just the slightest bit.

"What's your name?" She looked over at Dean and then back at the road as the car jostled on the dirt. They were driving through the terrain of Utah in the middle of nowhere. The city disappeared behind them and the land flashed by as she picked up more speed. The car felt like it was flying.

She hesitated. "Well I'm Dean. Dean Winchester. And that was my brother Sam."

She smiled, despite the situation. "I know who you are." Dean looked at her, eyebrows raised. How was it that people always knew who he was?

"Okay. Well I don't know who you are." She gripped the steering wheel hard and groaned.

"Nel." He fleetingly thought he liked the ring to it. _Nel_. "Is that short for something?"

"Yes." But she didn't reveal what it was short for.

"O-kay. Got a last name Nel?" She gave him a look.

"Shanahan." Dean wondered if there was history behind that name. It definitely was not from here, quite possibly a different country. She said it with pride too. She was proud of who she was.

"So you want to tell me why the-" Her hand jerked taking the car with it as the spirit had one hand firmly clutching her neck. She choked once, straightened the wheel and grabbed at the hand around her neck. It was gripping hard and she was having trouble slowing down her panicking heart. God, was she really going to die this time?

"Nel! Look out!" She looked out before her and her headlights shone out over railroad tracks and remnants of a lost building. She hit the brakes, slowing the car down and searched for an opening in the tracks and found one just a few feet to the right. She turned hard and Dean bumped against her. She felt him reaching over her head and realized to late that he was putting the necklace back on her. There was a screeching noise, like nails being dragged over a chalkboard and then the hold on her neck vanished. The right wheel caught the edge of the broken track as she sucked in needed air and they jerked in the car and came to a grounding halt just beyond it. Dust clouded up around them making visibility hard. Dean could see the flaring lights of the Impala in the distance.

"What the hell are you doing?!" She was taking the necklace off and had it back around his neck.

"What am I-what the hell are you doing? It's after **you** isn't it?" She just shook her head and got out of the car before he could pass it back. They had passed over railroad tracks and they seemed to be close to an abandoned town from the looks of the decrepit place. It had to be Lucin, the only town close enough to Grouse Creek to be abandoned like this. Dean got out of the car as well.

"You're crazy. That thing keeps trying to kill you!" Dean didn't get to say anymore because the spirit was back and it was dragging him into the air. Nel did not like that it was ignoring the iron. She shot it again and it flickered but it did not lose its hold on Dean. This was bad. She had to do _something_. She couldn't watch someone else die. Not again and not Dean Winchester.

"Aedan!" There was a moment and then Dean dropped to the ground gasping loudly and clutching his throat. He groaned and looked up.

There in front of her was the spirit. It had a more prominent look now, that of a guy, a little bit younger than Sam maybe. It reached out its hands and grasped Nel's throat. She didn't make any move to stop it.

"Nel!" But Dean's voice didn't matter.

"Aedan…you have to stop this. You're killing innocent people. Don't you see that?" The spirit looked angry and desperate and started to choke her. She struggled but not enough to make any difference.

"You…watched…don't deserve…live." There was pain in her eyes then, deep and unsettling as the spirit spoke. Dean cocked his gun but wasn't sure if he should fire. She had called out a name and the spirit had responded. Was this really _her_ problem? Did she know who this spirit was?

"Dean!" Sam was running over to him, salt and a gun in his hands. He was breathing hard and looked in surprise at the situation.

"Dean what the hell is going on?" Dean just shook his head. Sam looked from Dean to Nel and back again.

"Well we can't just let it kill her!" Sam brought up his gun and shot the spirit. Because the spirit had forgotten about Dean and Sam it vanished in a whirl and Nel fell to her knees. Sam and Dean ran up to her. When she looked up, tears were rolling down her cheeks, leaving tracks. Dean spoke first.

"You know it, don't you." Sam looked up at Dean. She nodded.

"His…his name was Aedan." She took a shaky breath. Sam watched her struggle to form words.

"He was…my boyfriend." Dean shook his head in disbelief. She was a hunter and that was her boyfriend floating around trying to kill them? _And _she was letting it?

"Then why the hell is he trying to kill you? And why are you letting him?" When she didn't answer, Sam knelt down and touched her shoulder.

"Why is he haunting you?" Her eyes filled with tears again.

"I couldn't do a **damn** thing. I couldn't do _anything_. He just…" She paused, trying to catch her breath. Her left hand was in her pocket, fingering something. She should have taken care of this long ago. She should have ended it. She should have been able to save him.

"…nella." The spirit was standing next to them and Nel looked up. Dean and Sam both brought up their guns, aimed at the spirit.

"Aedan…" She stepped in front of them, stopping them from being able to fire. Aedan flickered and then was standing before her. His hand reached up and caressed her face. Her eyes softened a little. It's voice spoke out clearly this time.

"You let me die." A flash of light blinded all of them and then they heard the lap of water on a shore and screams. The two sounds together had a chilling effect.

"_Nel! Help me! Ahhh!" The blood-curdling scream echoed on through the dark night. _

_A younger looking Nel stood some feet away, her hands hanging uselessly by her sides. She stared wide-eyed as the boy in front of her was ripped to shreds by a hound with teeth that protruded past its lips, the claws like daggers. Blood was flying everywhere and its stark contrast to the dark night was gruesome. The young Nel watched in horror. _

"_NEL!" She was finally shocked out of her fear and pulled out a gun only to stop short. Her eyes were widened in fear and her hand trembled hard, the gun unstable. His eyes stared on into hers as the light went out of them and she watched with her gun poised to fire. She only watched. _

The scene was wrenched from their minds and Dean and Sam blinked several times before they realized that Nel was being shaken hard, her body flinging around like a doll. Sam caught the glint of metal as it fell to the ground. He didn't know why but he reached down and picked it up as Dean started shooting at the spirit. It was too powerful now to be stopped by rock salt. Sam fingered the necklace that held a ring on it. He turned it round and noticed some words on the inside. _Aedan and Fenella. Forever._ Sam looked up and saw the tears in Nel's eyes.

"Sam! Help!" Dean had grabbed onto Nel's body to stop it from thrashing. He kept shooting at the spirit, shouting out her name, shouting out Sam's name. They didn't have any bones to burn and this spirit wasn't going to be deferred any longer. He raced back to the tracks, hunted for a loose piece. He found one, picked it up and put all of his strength down onto the ring. He heard a screech and briefly thought that was a good thing and a bad thing. He struck once more and saw the ring give a little. He arched back one more time and brought the metal down against the ring with everything he had, snapping it in two. There was a loud scream and a flash of light. Then everything was silent except for two pairs of gasps.

"Nel? Nel, wake up." Sam looked back to see Dean crouching over Nel's still form. He jogged over to her and saw the dark angry bruises on her neck where the spirit had been choking her. He didn't see her chest rise and fall. Dean's gun was discarded next to him and he was holding her head up, slapping her face lightly. He bent his head toward her mouth and listened for the rush of air.

"Sam. She's not breathing." Sam kneeled down on her other side. They waited a moment to see if she would come too.

"We could try mouth to mouth." Dean looked up at Sam. Sam wasn't sure what else they could do. She wasn't breathing. It was the best he could come up with.

"Dude, I'm not..." Sometimes Dean was so weird.

"Look just tilt her head back…" Dean looked at Sam like he was crazy. "Oh just let me do it." But as Sam was about to lean down she jerked, eyes flew open and starting sucking in air faster than her body could handle. Dean grabbed her shoulders and held her down.

"Calm down Nel. Your fine." She struggled, trying to breathe in more air than she was getting. She wasn't getting _enough_.

"Nel, slowly. Your throat may be swollen. Calm down…" Sam talked as she stared into Dean's eyes and then Sam's. She tried to slow her heart down but she couldn't. She couldn't get any air and she needed it. _Now_. She started to clutch at her throat, and Dean grabbed her hands before she could cause more harm to herself.

"Come on girl. Look at me. Breathe _slowly_." She stopped struggling, looked into Dean's eyes before closing hers and thought of quiet nights and sleep, and the steady rush of air coming into her lungs. She was able to get air, just not enough for her panicky breathing. She had to slow down. She felt Dean's hands in hers and his heartbeat in his pulse. She tried breathing along with that, and found it worked well enough. Her body stilled and she coughed.

"You okay?" It was Sam this time. She couldn't look at them. She just couldn't. Not after all of that. Not after seeing what she had let happen to Aedan.

"Is she…" She heard Dean hesitate.

"No. She's breathing. See?" She suddenly felt two pairs of eyes looking in a place they shouldn't have been. She cracked open one eye and sure enough. They were both looking at her chest.

"Hey." They both quickly looked up at her face. She reached out, and slapped them both on the arm.

"You guys staring is what started all this."

"I'm sorry. **Who** started all this?" Dean gave a look that said _don't try to put this on us_. She looked away at that. She sat up slowly, feeling both of the brother's hands hovering behind her. She gingerly touched her neck and cringed. It _hurt_. Breathing hurt too.

"Well, nice work there Sammy. How'd you do it?" Nel opened her eyes and looked up at Sam, wondering the same thing and smiled inside at the nickname _Sammy_. It was awfully cute, she thought. He reached out to hand her something. He dropped the broken ring into her open palm. She looked down, and smiled sadly, the memory it brought paining her heart.

"Am I missing something?" She attempted to stand and they both grabbed her arms and dragged her up.

"Is your name Fenella?" Dean looked at Sam questioningly. Nel sighed. She gave the ring to Dean. He looked at the broken pieces and placed them together. There was an inscription. _Aedan and Fenella. Forever_. Ironically the ring had broken apart Aedan and Fenella.

"Yes. My name's Fenella. Nel's just one of my nicknames." Dean looked a little intrigued, about what, Nel was not sure. He was just glad he knew what Nel was short for.

"And what was that…scene we saw?" She looked out into the blackness of the night. Because there was nothing out there it was like utter blackness, a suffocating blindness. Only the stars above indicated they were still in the world of today.

"It was in the county of Donegal." They looked at her like she was speaking in tongues. "It's in Ireland." Their mouths made O's. She walked over to her car and sat on the hood, running a hand over her face and pushing her hair back. She started to gather it up and pulled it back into a loose bun. A few stray auburn brown hairs fell around her face. She felt so tired.

"Anyway, the water you heard is Loch Dearg. A lake. There had been some deaths in the area, nasty ones from something that didn't belong. My dad, my sister and I were out there, hunting. There had been repeated deaths in the area going back centuries as far as we could tell. But they were spread out so far it was hard to catch. I left Aedan back in Galway or I thought I had left him behind. He was throwing a fit again, wondering where I was going. I didn't tell him at first; afraid he would want to come. I caved. I didn't tell him why we were going, just said it was business. We ended up fighting." She paused and took a shaky breath. "I was eighteen and had only been doing things on my own for a year. Inexperienced. My dad and I separated to better our search, my sister going with him. What I didn't know was that Aedan had followed us and that my sister had gotten separated from my dad." She looked at the broken ring in Dean's hand. "It's said, that long ago, Saint Patrick banished a creature to those waters. **Caoránach**." Dean's eyebrows rose at the way the word sounded.

"Sounds nasty."

"You couldn't even begin to imagine. Legend says that she is the mother of demons and devils. My dad and I thought she was just a devil herself, hunting for blood. Turns out we were right. I found the creature, too late as you saw. It found Aedan first. But it turned out it wasn't just food for her, but also her guardian or pet. A sort of hellhound I guess you could say." She stopped. This was the hard part now. Remembering his face, a look of pain and helplessness. Aedan had needed her.

"It was the screams I heard first. They made my heart clench. I ran toward the screaming, figuring that the devil would be there and found Aedan being ripped apart. I froze in shock. I thought that it was impossible. I had to have been dreaming because Aedan was in Galway still. But those screams were far to real for me to think I was dreaming. He screamed my name again and without hesitation I pulled out my gun. And in the corner of my eye I saw her. **Caoránach**. She was beautiful in a wretched sort of way. Blood red hair, white body, and black eyes. She was naked. And in her arms was my sister."

The brothers glanced at each other. That was the fear they had seen in her eyes when she didn't shoot. Sam's heart suddenly went out to her. She watched her boyfriend die and quite possibly to save her sister. He looked at Dean and thought that his brother would probably do that for him. Wouldn't he? Nel wrapped her arms around herself. Dean grimaced and shifted his feet. He suddenly had an image of Sam in a situation like that. He would let _anyone_ die for his brother to live.

"She had a slim hand wrapped around my sister's neck, and the other was caressing her face, something possessive. Every nerve in my body went rigid, and I had no idea what to do. My sister meant everything to me." Sam and Dean both took note of the word _meant_.

"But I loved Aedan. I wanted to shoot so badly, to save him. She spoke to me then. Shoot and my sister would die as I watched. If I didn't shoot she could live and they would stop hunting until the next cycle. I had to make a choice. Aedan or Teagen? In my mind…" She didn't finish. Her fingers dug into her arms, her jacket straining against the pressure.

"There was no contest." She looked up into Dean's eyes and saw that he understood. He didn't hold any blame in those eyes. Nel nodded.

"But I was so unsure of what the devil would actually do. She could decide to kill my sister anyway. And then I would have lost them both." She stopped again, eyes closed against something.

"You had to believe though. You had to believe she would live." Nel nodded again. It would seem that Dean understood all to well. Sam watched her pain with sad eyes.

"She lived." Nel looked like she was about to cry. "Aedan died and Tea lived." Surprisingly, Dean reached out and squeezed her shoulder affectionately. A small smile formed on her lips.

"I didn't know if the demon would hold to that promise and not return until the next cycle but as far as I was concerned she could continue to do whatever she wanted. My sister was alive because she let her go and I was grateful." She chuckled. "Grateful to a devil." She stood up and rubbed her eyes. When she opened them again she looked at the hand Dean had the ring in.

"Do me a favor?" Dean looked down at her. "Toss that as far as you can?" He looked at her again, checking that that was what she wanted. He shrugged, turned around and hurled the ring into the darkness beyond them. They all watched as the ring disappeared. The moon was high in the sky now, bright and illuminating.

"He didn't know why I let him die. So he haunted me, killing anyone who looked at me in any way, for seven years." She chuckled. "Not that I blame him." She turned around to see them both staring at her incredulously.

"Seven years!" They both said it at the same time. She smiled crookedly.

"I felt like I deserved it. Tea thought I was off my rocker." She shrugged.

"Sounds like your sister knew what she was talking about," Sam said shaking his head. She laughed at that, throwing her head back. Both brothers glanced at her slender neck dotted with harsh bruises.

"Thanks for taking out my boyfriend Sam." She smiled warmly and held out her hand. Sam took it, noting her firm grasp and the warmth behind it. He had the sudden urge to talk to her, to spill everything, even about Jess. He pulled his hand away faster than he meant, and she looked a little hurt but she blinked it off. She looked at Dean.

"Thanks." He just smiled.

"Well…I should probably be going. No use in hanging around this ghost town any longer." Dean grunted in agreement. Both boys took off the iron necklaces, and handed them back to Nel. She walked around her car and pulled open the door, tossing the necklaces in the back. She turned back with a smile.

Both brothers waved, but only Sam smiled back. They both turned to go, but Nel felt that she needed to say one more thing.

"Dean?" He stopped and turned around, jerking his head up in answer. Nel approached him and looked hard into his face, studying it.

"I hope that Sam stays safe." Nel looked sad as she said that and Dean had to ask.

"Where is she? Teagen?" Nel looked as if she was going to respond, then maybe cry, when she diverted the question.

"It was nice meeting you Winchester's finally. Been hearing all about your Dad and you too, but never had the chance to actually see you boys in action." Dean's eyebrow quirked.

"Don't you get the Hunter memo?" She laughed a little. "Word travels. Hunter's like to talk, especially about other Hunter's. And word is your dad's on a big hunt. Revenge kind of big." Dean looked away from her face. Did everybody know his families business?

She saw the look. "Sorry. My dad was a friend with a couple of people John had worked with before. Whatever it is your dad's looking for, he's pulling out all the stops. He must really want to find whatever it is." Dean looked back at Sam, watching them from the Impala.

"Do you know where he is?" He turned to see her shaking her head. He sighed. Not that he expected it to be that easy.

"I'm not sure he wants you boys to find him." She looked to her side, staring out into the nothingness and crossed her arms. "From what I've heard your dad likes to work alone, not that any of us work in packs. He was just calling for information." Dean's expression fell with each word the came from her mouth.

"He was trying to find a stronger lead I think." Dean dragged a hand across his face. Nel studied his expression. He seemed tired, worn out. His eyes were what told all though. He was frustrated. She reached into one of her coat pockets, and pulled out her pad of paper and a pen. Dean watched as she jotted something down. She handed him the sheet of paper. He looked down and saw her name and number.

"If you ever get stuck on this thing with your dad or need any help with a case just call me. Can't guarantee I'll be able to help but who knows," she said with a shrug of the shoulders. He studied it for a minute and then put it in his coat pocket. She thought about what she had just done and was a little skeptical.

"Actually…" She reached into his jacket while he grunted out a few protests, and grabbed the sheet of paper. She wagged the paper in front of his face, walked over to his car where Sam was with the window down.

"Something tells me I should give this to you." She handed Sam her number. He looked at it and then at her.

"If you ever need anything. Somehow I imagine that Dean won't call me. I think maybe you will. But it's not like you have to. Just another option." Sam nodded.

"Thanks." He sounded like he actually meant it. "I'll call you so you have mine." She patted the car and straightened herself. Dean was standing in front of the car his arms spread out to his sides.

"I would have called." He gave a look of fake irritation.

"I'm not convinced. But that's alright." She walked up to him and squeezed his arm comfortingly, her head tilting to the side. Dean grew uncomfortable under her stare and shifted his feet. Her smile seemed to fade.

"Stay safe Dean. Sam's going to need you. Always." She took one last longing look, and turned for her car. Dean waited there until her door closed and her engine started up. She looked back out at him, and waved, a sad smile on her face.

"Good luck finding your dad," she yelled out to him. And then she drove off, her car disappearing in the darkness.

Dean returned to the car where Sam was waiting for him.

"You wouldn't have called." Dean put the car in drive.

"Shut up."

* * *

**Reviews are a sign of your kindness.**

**A/N**: Thanks for reading. I don't claim to know anything about the Caoránach, or Saint Patrick or the places that I said they originated. I simply looked some of this stuff up on the internet and tweaked it to my needs. I am also no expert about Ireland or the Irish.


	3. Journal 47

**Journal 4, Entry 47  
**_April 10, 2006_

I met them.

_The Winchesters._

Not John Winchester, but Dean and Sam. They weren't what I thought they would be.

I've been hearing all sorts of stories about them. The hunters I run across love to run their mouths. And I thought women liked to talk. Give a hunter a beer and an ear, and you're sure to have a long night. They weren't ignorant, they weren't scared to do the job and they certainly weren't assholes. Dean looks like he has the potential to be one but I could see that he wasn't an ugly person deep down. I mean, he was trying to help me. Assholes don't help other people. And after living in America, you tend to run into plenty of assholes.

No, he's just had it rough. Sam seems awfully sweet. He seems like the one who could make a girl sigh. And oh, were they nice on the eyes. I mean I thought they would be decent but this was something more. There's something hidden inside of them. Something that I still can't put my finger on. Maybe it's because they also hunt. Having relationships with non-hunters is difficult. There are just some things that should stay a secret.

All the hunters seem to be so much older these days though. You don't run into anyone my age anymore. We're either all dying too fast or the amount of hunters being brought into this life are getting smaller in quantity. It's not necessarily a bad thing if there are less of us in this job but it just means more work for the rest of us. And what if we all die before more people are introduced? Who's going to stop the spirits and the demons? Either way, I'm glad I met them.

He's gone Tea. He was finally put to rest. Not that I had anything to do with it though. You know how I felt about him. There was just no way that I could do it myself, which is embarrassing really. It was the sixth victim of my inability to do what I should have done from the beginning. And the hardest part? I'm okay with it. I'm actually glad. It's such a relief to know that he's finally gone and that I don't have to worry about him. And I have two guys to thank for that.

Dean and Sam.

I wish you could have met them Tea.


End file.
